Divorce Series Archives | Page 2 of 3

Ten Traps Series – Trap #9

In prior blogs in this series, we wrote about the natural desire to prevail against perceived rivals and the potential use of game theory to understand obstacles in the current legal system as it takes families through separations and divorce. We next focused on how the legal system can trap people into self-defeating patterns of […]

Ten Traps Series – People Generally Make Good Choices: But They Can Be Trapped

Yes! You might remember Monty Hall and “The Price is Right”. At end the of the show, the contestant who had won the most money was shown three doors, behind two of which were some cheap junk but behind one was a big prize – maybe a fancy car. They were to choose a door […]

Ten Traps Series – Trap #10

In prior blogs in this series, we wrote about the natural desire to prevail against perceived rivals and the potential use of game theory to understand obstacles in the current legal system as it takes families through separation and divorce. We next focused on how the legal system begins to trap people into self-defeating patterns […]

The Psychological Importance of Prevailing

Why do we like to win, whether it is a tennis match or an argument with our spouse? Natural selection favored those who survived and reproduced. One of the ways that humans survived, and thus were able to reproduce, was to prevail. Prevailing meant finding food, warding off predators and winning battles over resources with […]

Divorce Series – Achieving an Amicable Divorce Settlement

We believe that it is fair to say that most family law attorneys and mediators would rather see a case settle than go to litigation. There is a general belief that in most cases, litigation is a sign of failure to settle, but perhaps more importantly, there is a general belief that proceeding to litigation exacerbates […]

Divorce: Winning Isn’t Everything Series – 1. Winning is Better than Losing

There are those who say that “Winning isn’t everything.” Who are they kidding? Everyone wants to win! Ken and Allan play tennis. Tennis is always fun, but winning at tennis is a lot more fun than losing. Allan is a lawyer. Negotiating takes skill, and trying a case in court takes skill. Doing both well […]

Divorce: Winning Isn’t Everything Series – 2. Winning the Conflict Contest

The saying that “It takes two to tango” confronts us with a sad truth. When two people are in ongoing conflict with one another, as is true in many co-parenting relationships, both people are contributing to the conflict. These are called “negative cycles” when an event occurs, and a series of reactions occur by both […]

Divorce: Winning Isn’t Everything – 3. Redefining Winning

In Blogs #1 and #2, of this Series, we made the point that part of being human is the desire to be “right” and to win. This is true in any contest. In tennis for example, a player might be excited to be right when predicting the direction the opponent would run. Being right and […]

Divorce: Winning Isn’t Everything Series – 4. Flying Solo

In Blogs #1 and #2 of this Series, we explored the importance of being right and winning to human beings. In Blog #2, we also pointed out that being right and winning usually serves people well, but in some cases, can lead to self-defeating choices and persisting in efforts that have no end. In Blog […]

Divorce: Winning Isn’t Everything Series – 5. Being in Control and Teaching Useful Skills and Lessons

In Blogs #1 & #2 of this Series, we focused on the importance of being right and winning in conflicts with others. A conflict is simply a disagreement that does not get resolved easily. Disagreements get resolved easily when one of the two people admits to being wrong or when one of the two people […]